It's hard to believe we have been married for three years now. THREE. Crazy how time flies.
In my tons of years of experience (sarcasm) I have learned a few things about marriage and relationships. Here are just a few of my infinite words of wisdom...
1. There is almost always a bigger fish to fry. No matter how angry I get or frustrated I am, I need to pick my battles. Sometimes the dirty socks that never make it to the laundry basket aren't as important as I thought. It's about balance and deciding when you should say something and when you should let it go.
2. Try not to fight in front of people. This has always been a relationship rule of mine, and now that we have Elayne it is even more important. No one likes dirty laundry aired out and frankly, it's no ones business. The more opinions you have on a situation, the more blame can be compounded. Plus, one of the biggest things Phillip have working in our favor is 100% support from our family and friends. That support would be diminished by tiny arguments inundating those closest to us 24/7. Plus, when you are forced to "table" arguements and discussion until you are in private, it gives you a nice cooling off time and perspective. May times, we find that we don't remember what we were mad at in the first place.
3. It's okay to go to bed angry - but not inconsolable. Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing. And sometimes you need some sleep to give you a nice cool down (see number 2). As long as you know that you still love each other and can end the evening on good terms by agreeing to disagree, it's okay to fall asleep angry. Sometimes you're just tired and no amount of staying up late to get to the bottom of things is going to change your sour mood. I find that Phillip isn't the best communicator when he is upset and just wants to be left alone. If I were to keep him up for hours trying to force nonexistent conversation out of him, it would just make the situation worse.
4. Love, comfort, communication, and moods come in waves. We have bad days. We have bad weeks. Sometimes things just feel "off." It doesn't mean it's the end of our relationship or we've run out of things to talk about or that we are doomed to fail at marriage. It just means we have a bit of a lull that will make us appreciate the good times when they come back.
5. Put up or shut up. When we said forever on our wedding day, we meant forever. There is no exit strategy. We are both in it for the long run. Therefore, when things get complicated, we either fix it or accept it and move on. Much like number one, there are bigger things in life to worry about. No passive aggressive post-it note or overly loud grumble is going to change him/me. So we accept the things we can change about each other and also the things the other doesn't want to change.
I love him. He loves me. We make it work. We are not perfect but I like to think we've already stood a big test of time and have accomplished great things together. We are a team first and foremost. Best friends. Loving spouses. Wonderful parents. Trying to make it work one load of dishes at a time.
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