Communication

Since I am a Communication minor, I've started taking some courses. This semester, I'm taking Communication Theory. We're talking about theories of relationship communication and it's interesting how Phillip and I follow them.

There are 3 Internal and 3 External Tensions that Balance Each Other Out

Internal (within a relationship)
1. Connection-Autonomy
Sometimes you want connection with each other and sometimes you want to be your own person.
2. Certainty-Uncertainty
Sometimes a relationship needs to be predictable, and other times, it needs to have spontaneity.
3. Opennes-Closedness
There is a time for revealing yourself, and a time for guarding your heart.

External (between the relationship and the outside community)
1. Inclusion-Seclusion
Couples sometimes needs to spend time with other people and sometimes need to spend some time with just themselves.
2. Conventionality-Uniqueness
To some degree, a relationship needs to be conventional and to some degree, it must be unique and different from all other relationships.
3. Revelation-Concealment
Some parts of the relationship can be shared, while others are kept private.

With these six tensions come ways of dealing with them.
1. Denial - denying one part of the tension (ie wanting to be only unique and not conventional at all)
2. Disorientation - not being able to balance the opposing tensions and giving up as a result (ie not being satisfied with the predictability or spontaneity in your relationship so you withdraw)
3. Spiraling Inversion - alternating between tensions (ie this weekend hanging out as a group, next weekend having a one-on-one movie night)
4. Segmentation - having a time and a place for each tension,depending on appropriateness (ie spending time with the families during the holidays, but having a single date on valentine's day)
5. Balance - participating in both tensions simultaneously (ie wanting to be your own person while spending time together)
There are more, but class ended today.

I learned a lot from today's lecture. I keep trying to put too much weight on one side of the relationship tension and not balancing enough. I've been in the denial and disorientation mindset, and I need to be more in the spiraling inversion mindset. Sometimes it's necessary to hear what I mean to him and have him disclose himself to me, but other times it's only necessary to hear how his day went. I've been so selfish and I need to calm down and let it be. When I do that, our relationship seems to naturally balance the tensions.

I'll do a better job from now on, since I'm now enlightened. Thank you Communication minor!!