People Pleaser

I don’t know if I have mentioned this previously, but the salon I ordered my dress at has a complimentary “bridal party” they will do for me. At this party, all of my bridesmaids get to come out and see me in my dress as well as try on all sort of bridesmaid dress styles. There’s wine and appetizers and an all-around good time.

Well the tricky part about all of this is finding a date that works with everyone – which I am finding is rather difficult. The dresses need to be ordered by the beginning of November so there’s enough time in case any unforeseen mishaps occur. I’ve given all of the Saturdays I am available out to my girls to see what they think. So far, not so good. It’s already looking like one or two won’t be able to make it – and I haven’t even heard back from one of them yet.

So tonight I kind of had a breakdown. This has been coming for quite some time, seeing as I have been under so much stress and am pretty sad lately. Luckily, Shauna happened to facebook chat me right as it all started crumbling and the tears started flowing. She talked me through it.

I like to think that I go out on a limb for people and will go out of my way and stop at nothing to do whatever it is that they want me or need me to do. Sometimes this is to a fault. I want to be dependable and strong and always there at a moment’s notice. This is particularly seen when it comes to these bridesmaid dresses. I am so concerned with what everyone else wants and how much everyone else is wanting to spend. I want to make sure every single one of my bridesmaids is overly joyed with every aspect of the dress.

Shauna basically gave me a swift kick (that I needed) by reminding me that it’s my day and I should be the one with the final say in the dresses. She said that I should be able to pick a dress that I am overly joyed with every aspect of and that all of the girls should be happy because it is my day and not theirs. This idea struck me as something that was wrong, but after thinking about it, she’s kind of right.

I think about all of these girls and their weddings in the future. If I am a bridesmaid for their (or any of my other wonderful girl friends’) weddings, I will go in completely expecting to have a dress hand-selected for me with no questions asked. I would expect to have to shell out money for a dress I am not 100% pleased with for the sake of it being her day. Why can’t I expect that out of them?

I mean, obviously I am not going to look for some hideous dress nobody likes and some outrageously expensive price tag, but there’s not need for me to go searching for a one-size-fits-all dress that every single girls will like with her whole heart. I mean, let’s face it, that’s nearly impossible with six girls wearing them and another three plus women weighing in.

Maybe Shauna’s right. Maybe I need to realize that this is my big day (and Phillip’s too of course) and that we are allowed to be a little selfish. I need to stop giving everyone such a huge voice and focus on the only two people’s that matter – Phillip and me. Sorry if this sounds selfish, I just want to be less stressed. There I go apologizing again…

And if stressing less means making more selfish decisions, I need to swallow my pride and do it.