The Haves (And Have Nots)

I am so grateful for everything we have. We are so blessed to be where we are and have who we have in our lives. Don't get me wrong, life is pretty perfect. I can't complain much about where I'm at.

But.

You know the futuristic person in me always wants more. I'm always looking into the future for what I want to happen. It gets in the way of my contentment and I'm working on that. God is definitely working on that with me too.

So while I sit here with a great job, wonderful husband, cute puppy dog, incredible rental house, irreplaceable family and friends, and an opportunity of a lifetime before me with graduate school, I still want more. Crazy, right?

I still want to buy a house. I want Phillip to get a great (permanent) job too. I want a bigger house. I want nicer furniture. I want a bigger yard. I want more of my family and friends to find their permanent niches in the world. I want to graduate as soon as possible.

My life is in constant motion because I don't dare let myself sit idly in the present for longer than necessary.

 I didn't say I was right in all of this. Just stating the facts.

I am a "have" and a "have not" simultaneously. The feeling kind of sucks. Gratitude and Discontentment at the same time. Receiving more makes you feel like you deserve more. Twisted. I realize this.