The Idea of Retrospection

It was brought to my attention the other day that I tend to ignore the past and shut the door on previous events. While there is some truth in that statement, I believe it’s not that I don’t confront it – but rather move on from things I cannot change (and don’t necessarily want to for that matter).

Everyone close to me knows that I am a very futuristic person. My eyes are always focused on where life is leading me, as opposed to where I came from. For my current job, I had to take a personality test, and one of my strengths listed was “Futuristic”. This does not necessarily mean that I don’t look to the past for answers or think about how I could have handled things differently in certain situations, it just means that I find inspiration in the future and what it holds.

When the past is behind me, it’s easy for me to forget about it and move on, due in part to my tendency to focus my attention on what tomorrow may bring. And while it is true that I may look forward when things are less-than-ideal in my current situation, that doesn’t mean that happens all of the time.

I think of my past as a moment in time – a chapter in my life. I never wish to go back, only to jump forward. I do not believe in regret. I feel like the decisions we’ve made (good or bad) were the best possible for that particular time and situation – otherwise we wouldn’t have made those choices! When you look back and evaluate what you’ve said or done, you can’t change anything; that’s a fact. Looking back only plagues you with thoughts and new viewpoints because you now have more information, insight, and life experience. But what good does that do now?

Every single decision I have made in my life has been one that has benefitted me. Does that mean that every choice made my life easier? Certainly not. But does it mean that I believe everything happens for a reason and that everything shapes you into the person you become? Absolutely.

My only issue that I have when looking back tends to be about people I have hurt with cruel words, immature actions, and/or misjudgments on my part. I have even hurt people in my future with things from my past – even if I hadn’t met them yet. That’s where my “shutting out” occurs. I want to shut out any possibility that I could have wronged someone or changed their life for the worse. But the irony is, the very thing that motivates me to ignored the past (that notion of wondering if I could have been kinder or if I could have been a little more humane) always triggers my visions into the past.

It’s interesting to me that most people look to their past and wonder “what if”, but I look back and see the fear and beauty of making a decision that affected my life for the best. It’s scary to think that I could have made wrong decisions, but it’s beautiful to see that I didn’t. That strange opposition of ideas is what confuses most people, but makes complete sense to me.