I'm sitting on the couch in the living room of my new apartment. It's beautiful. Everything is beginning to have a place and it's so perfect. The only problem is that Phillip isn't staying with me - rather, he's leaving tomorrow. I'm really really going to miss him (like I always do). It doesn't get easier the more times you have to say goodbye. Why can't he stay? And why can't this apartment move to north Texas in 2 years so he and I can live here then? :(

I hate nightmares! :(

Last night I had nightmares about Phillip dying. They were the saddest dreams ever, and I woke up crying several times throughout the night. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't help but feel relief that he's still here with me. The thought of losing him scares me so much, since I know that's the only way we'll ever be apart. Let's just say, it was a terrible night and I'm going to give him a huge hug when I see him tonight.

Better

Sometimes, when I'm angry, or sad, or upset at something (even him), all Phillip has to do is give me a giant hug and look at me with those eyes. I melt. And everything is all better again.

11 Days

until I embark on yet another year in a long-distance relationship. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I'm already missing him. He's a big part of my life and I don't know what I'm going to do without him again. I have no idea how I've gotten through the last 2 years. They were painful, believe me, but every year it seems like a new experience. Every summer, we come home and it's like we never left each other, so the start of each semester is like starting all over again. The only good thing about this year is that we're on the downside of the hill. Only 2 more years and we'll never be apart again. I've forgotten what it feels like to be with him for more than 3 months at a time. I can't wait to see him every day again, and to not dread either of us leaving - because we won't be leaving.

But now, I try to soak up every bit of time I have left with him. I'm already getting teary-eyed. :(

Sometimes a little more attention is needed. Sometimes feeling like you're the most important 100% of the time is nice. Tonight I haven't felt that way. :/