Him

I love him. I like getting to see him every weekend. <3

After Spring Break, it's back to seeing him every 2-3 weeks. I'm definitely not looking forward to that.

Well, it's time to go back to watching the Mavs game with Mr. AWESOME.

Blah

Today I'm feeling less confident about our relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love you very much and would never even think about life without you. But today, I'm feeling kind of worried.

You're putting me in a situation that I don't want to be in. That's a definite way to give us tension that we don't need right now. You can't put me in the middle of this. It's so frustrating.

It's hard to keep the faith in a relationship lately. Everyone is breaking up left and right. And of those relationships that are still intact... most of those people aren't happy. So that makes it difficult to see ours as unique and different (even though I know we are).

This Weekend

So this weekend is going to be good and bad all at the same time. I get to see my Phillip and my friends, but the circumstance is pretty crummy. I will be there to support Christine in whatever ways she needs me too but I'm kind of ready to see some people. I love Phillip and want to spend tons of time with him, but also with my friends.

Christine wants to have some sort of get-together Saturday night or Sunday morning/afternoon for her birthday. I want it to be a good day for her. It's her birthday, and despite recent events, she deserves to have a great 20th birthday.

Long Time No Talk

So much has happened! That's why I haven't updated!! I'll go through it all one thing at a time.

Valentine's Day: Phillip and I went to Carraba's for dinner. I gave him a nice portfolio and a nice pen. He gave me a dozen roses and year subscriptions to 3 cooking magazines. I had an incredible weekend and love him so very much.

Flu: This passed weekend I had the flu and was pretty much confined to bed. I went home (as previously planned) and spent the weekend laying in a recliner in my living room. Phillip stayed with me, just sitting nearby and keeping me company. I felt a whole lot of love that day - without even a kiss. Last weekend was incredible, and all he had to do was spend time with me and understand that I was not feeling well.

Christine's Dad: This morning, Christine's dad passed away. I will be going home again this weekend (third one in a row) to be there for her. I must say that it has opened my eyes to what is truly important in my life. It's making me realize that Phillip is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is so important to me.

Random

I'm kind of having a blah day today.

The only thing going great is Phillip. He's so good at making me feel better. I can't wait to be back in his arms again this weekend. I just can't wait.


That's it... not really in the mood to write a huge update and I have tons to do today!

P.S. Max is doing great, so no worries!

Enjoying My Morning Cup of Coffee

Last night on the phone was incredible!! We talked, laughed, flirted, talked some more, and had so much fun! We were on the phone for an hour and a half and didn't once kill the mood. :)

Did I mention that I love him!?

Memorable Conversation from the Evening
Context: We were talking about using different baits for fishing (like worms, crickets, mirrored spinners, etc.).
Me: "I want to go fishing with you!! But not with crickets!"
Phillip: "Well, I'll make sure they're not invited."
Me: "hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah" (and so on)


Also, we get to go to the W.H.O.O.P. formal in March! It's going to be at a winery in Bryan and the dress is very formal (they even said to wear something that you'd wear to prom and that some of the guys are wearing tuxes). I'm so excited!! I'm going to wear something so pretty!

I Love Him!

I am so completely in love with him.

I talked to someone about their relationship problems, and realized something... I realized that no matter what issues come up or what obstacles get in the way, I will always love him and always want to spend the rest of my life with him.

In my eyes, he is perfect. I may get mad at times, and may get hurt... but I love him with all of my heart and nothing in this world will ever take that away from me.

I love you babe, always and forever.

P.S. I can't wait for valentine's day because the part of his present I've gotten already is goingn to blow him away! :P I'm sooo excited!

Communication

Since I am a Communication minor, I've started taking some courses. This semester, I'm taking Communication Theory. We're talking about theories of relationship communication and it's interesting how Phillip and I follow them.

There are 3 Internal and 3 External Tensions that Balance Each Other Out

Internal (within a relationship)
1. Connection-Autonomy
Sometimes you want connection with each other and sometimes you want to be your own person.
2. Certainty-Uncertainty
Sometimes a relationship needs to be predictable, and other times, it needs to have spontaneity.
3. Opennes-Closedness
There is a time for revealing yourself, and a time for guarding your heart.

External (between the relationship and the outside community)
1. Inclusion-Seclusion
Couples sometimes needs to spend time with other people and sometimes need to spend some time with just themselves.
2. Conventionality-Uniqueness
To some degree, a relationship needs to be conventional and to some degree, it must be unique and different from all other relationships.
3. Revelation-Concealment
Some parts of the relationship can be shared, while others are kept private.

With these six tensions come ways of dealing with them.
1. Denial - denying one part of the tension (ie wanting to be only unique and not conventional at all)
2. Disorientation - not being able to balance the opposing tensions and giving up as a result (ie not being satisfied with the predictability or spontaneity in your relationship so you withdraw)
3. Spiraling Inversion - alternating between tensions (ie this weekend hanging out as a group, next weekend having a one-on-one movie night)
4. Segmentation - having a time and a place for each tension,depending on appropriateness (ie spending time with the families during the holidays, but having a single date on valentine's day)
5. Balance - participating in both tensions simultaneously (ie wanting to be your own person while spending time together)
There are more, but class ended today.

I learned a lot from today's lecture. I keep trying to put too much weight on one side of the relationship tension and not balancing enough. I've been in the denial and disorientation mindset, and I need to be more in the spiraling inversion mindset. Sometimes it's necessary to hear what I mean to him and have him disclose himself to me, but other times it's only necessary to hear how his day went. I've been so selfish and I need to calm down and let it be. When I do that, our relationship seems to naturally balance the tensions.

I'll do a better job from now on, since I'm now enlightened. Thank you Communication minor!!

Valentine's Day and Max

Valentine's Day
So with Valentine's Day nearing, I can't help but wonder what I should give to the love of my life. I want to give him something romantic but sensible - and that combination is hard to come by.

Hmm. I guess I'll have to get creative AGAIN.

As far as plans go, I think we're unsure as to what we will be doing. I am coming home that weekend (on Friday). On Saturday Phillip has a basketball game to shoot but it should only take a couple of hours - giving me time to get all pretty for him. :) We're going to go out to eat, hopefully at a new place we haven't tried yet, and then who knows?? Movie? Any suggestions?


Max
Last night our puppy (Max) ate through a bottle of kerosene. I must say that I am very worried about him. :(

Phillip said this morning that he lifted his head up and seemed to be normal. Please cross your fingers and pray that he'll be ok. That's our puppy, and we love him dearly. With his first birthday coming up at the end of the month, I'd hate to think he wouldn't reach it. :(




Well that's it for this post. Maybe I'll post again later with an update? We'll see.

Last Night

Last night was rough.

Sometimes, our relationship is hard - it happens. It's so hard sometimes to deal with school, work, growing up AND a long distance relationship. Is it worth it? Totally. Is it hard, though? Absolutely.

I let it all get to me sometimes and seem to take it out on whoever I talk to first (which is usually Phillip). He's so patient and I love him completely for that.

But it's still hard sometimes.

I look at it this way: It is so much easier to get mad at someone than to miss them. If I get mad at him, I can have control over my emotions. If I just sit around and miss him, I have no control and tend to want to stay in bed all day every day.

I love A&M very much and believe that this is the best thing for me and for our relationship. I do wonder, almost daily, how happy I'd be if I were able to see him every day. I would love that so much.

But here is where I'm grounded. I have a life here... a fantastic major I can't find anywhere else... friends.... a lease.... Can I just let that all go and move back home? No. I must stay here for the next 2.5 years and wait it out. It'll make it better in the end, I know.

But for now, I wait.... impatiently.... and try to take it one day at a time.

The Story of Us

We met when we were both in 8th grade.
Cameron and I had a thing going and one day decided to go hang out at the mall (what else is there to do when you're 14?) with a bunch of friends. I met both Phillip and Patrick that day, but didn't even think anything of it.

Band made our paths intersect again.
As I started high school at Trinity, I joined band. During the summer camp, I decided to strike up a conversation with a familiar friend - Cameron. I then "remet" Phillip.

That summer, Shauna and Cameron enabled me to make a connection with the love of my life.
Shauna and I hung out over at Cameron's, almost on a daily basis. I got to know Phillip and really liked what I discovered. Unfortunately, though, it would take a little while longer to develop romantic feelings for him.

Photography developed our relationship, and Homecoming sealed our fate.
He sat behind me. We flirted constantly. Of course, when the question of homecoming came up, we hinted to each other that we would like to spend that evening together. He finally asked - and I said yes!! At this point, I was pretty anxious to see where this was heading.

On September 12, 2004 we made it official.
The day I realized that I liked him more than I had thought was a day at Patrick's house. We were outside hanging out and throwing around a football when mosquitos ate me up! When we got inside, I suddenly realized that my homecoming date didn't seem to care - and then realized that I wanted him to care. So bam! I realized I liked him. On September 11th, we flirted the most yet. He threw a basketball at my head - an ongoing joke between us. He asked me to be his girlfriend the next night via aim. I know, it seems childish, but we were young and hiding behind a computer screen felt safe. No regrets!

I knew I was beginning to fall at my 16th birthday party.
That night was so great. I remember jumping in the bounce house we rented and playing around. Then suddenly the action stopped and we just layed together. I realized that he was different and maybe we were going to end up falling in love with each other. I can't really explain that night or that feeling, but it was strong.

Since then, my world has been a great place and I'm head over heels in love... STILL!!

This blog is going to be about us. Since we are currently living 3 hours away from each other (better than the 15 hours it was last year!), it'll be more feelings than talking about actions. To some, it's going to be interesting... to others, the most boring thing they've ever read. If you are interested, that's great!