Gone and Crabby

Why must not knowing the next time we see each other make him crabby? I know it's sad and not knowing is killing me too, but why make this time apart more miserable than it has to be? I don't get it.... I wish he missed me like I miss him... and expressed it the way I express it - with loving comments and a voice filled with longing. But not, I have to hear anger and frustration because I guess that's how he's dealing with this. :/

Dear Phillip,

I miss you tons. I can't wait until we see each other again.

Love Always,
Ashley

I'm sitting on the couch in the living room of my new apartment. It's beautiful. Everything is beginning to have a place and it's so perfect. The only problem is that Phillip isn't staying with me - rather, he's leaving tomorrow. I'm really really going to miss him (like I always do). It doesn't get easier the more times you have to say goodbye. Why can't he stay? And why can't this apartment move to north Texas in 2 years so he and I can live here then? :(

I hate nightmares! :(

Last night I had nightmares about Phillip dying. They were the saddest dreams ever, and I woke up crying several times throughout the night. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't help but feel relief that he's still here with me. The thought of losing him scares me so much, since I know that's the only way we'll ever be apart. Let's just say, it was a terrible night and I'm going to give him a huge hug when I see him tonight.

Better

Sometimes, when I'm angry, or sad, or upset at something (even him), all Phillip has to do is give me a giant hug and look at me with those eyes. I melt. And everything is all better again.