Day in the Life

Some days I marvel at how chaotic life gets

Leave work fifteen minutes later than planned.
Hit traffic driving to JCPenny to get Elayne.
During traffic, I jam to entirely too many classic rock tunes - is this a sign of my age? Am I getting old? The new stuff just bores me.
Turn up the A/C since it's so hot.
Sit in more traffic. Pull up to the slow area only to find there is no reason for said slow traffic.
Turn A/C down because now it's freezing.
Contemplate taking the toll road to get home faster or use the free feeder road with stop lights I can shoot quick texts at.
Take free feeder road.
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.
Get to Elayne's child care center pretty much 45 minutes after I leave work. Why does it take this long? Oh yeah. Stoplights. Maybe I'll consider the toll road next time. Wait no. That's so expensive.
Finally pull into the parking garage. Hunt for a "child care" designated spot. Why are the JCPenny employees so lazy? They drive from their assigned spots to these spots just so they don't have to walk that far. But come to think of it, I'd probably do the same thing. So nevermind.
Found a spot. Parked.
Leave the purse in the car or bring it in? Such a struggle. There is a security officer at the crosswalk. He'd hear if someone broke into my car for my purse. And I'm not too far from him. But he doesn't look like he'd be quick enough to chase him. And then who would hold the stop sign up so parents and employees and children can cross safely? And does he even have a gun? This is probably what would go through his head and he heard the window smashing.
Take purse inside.
Swipe card to get into child care center. But nothing happens. Oh yeah there is a trick. I remember. You can stand in these four floor tiles, but if you step even a toe in those six, the door won't open. Got it. Excuse me while I practice my yoga moves.
I'm in!
Gotta log her out of the computer.
Phillip got here at 7:47 today!? Must have been running late.
Time for the stroller closet. The dreaded closet. Parents with these monster strollers come in like they own the place. Meanwhile our sensible travel stroller is folded up neatly along the wall. Buried behind tanker strollers made for families of six when they only have one baby. Who can walk. And doesn't need a stroller anymore. But mama holds on to it still.
Pull up to Elayne's room. I swear that's her scream I hear from the hall. Oh man I hope that's not her. Don't pawn off a screaming child on me. I pay you guys too much money for that.
Phew. It's not Elayne. It's Sara. Always Sara. Stranger Danger Sara. With the beauitful eyes.
We need diapers again!? We just gave you a huge pack last week. You guys seriously need to think about changing her less.
Where did she get that pacifier from? Yeah, that one in her mouth. Nope. That's not hers. Oh well. It does the job and is one less we have to buy. YOLO.
What is she wearing? Oh. Yeah. Phillip dressed her. Stripes and polka dots? Hot pink, bright blue, and red? Don't care enough to change her.
Now she's screaming. You let her sleep through her last feeding and she hasn't eaten anything since 2:30!? Sweet. But can't complain since sometimes we drop her off in the same mood.
In the car seat. Got it all? Yes baby. Have a bottle.
Finally back to the car. Was that walk that long on the way in? I feel like this has been a marathon walking back.
Time to drive. Wait. No. Gotta stop for crossing children.
Now leaving.
Hitting the stop lights again to avoid tolls.
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.
Finally pull into the garage two hours after work ends.
Time to relax.

Wait. No....

Things I've Learned in 3 Years of Marriage

It's hard to believe we have been married for three years now. THREE. Crazy how time flies.

In my tons of years of experience (sarcasm) I have learned a few things about marriage and relationships. Here are just a few of my infinite words of wisdom...

1. There is almost always a bigger fish to fry. No matter how angry I get or frustrated I am, I need to pick my battles. Sometimes the dirty socks that never make it to the laundry basket aren't as important as I thought. It's about balance and deciding when you should say something and when you should let it go.

2. Try not to fight in front of people. This has always been a relationship rule of mine, and now that we have Elayne it is even more important. No one likes dirty laundry aired out and frankly, it's no ones business. The more opinions you have on a situation, the more blame can be compounded. Plus, one of the biggest things Phillip have working in our favor is 100% support from our family and friends. That support would be diminished by tiny arguments inundating those closest to us 24/7. Plus, when you are forced to "table" arguements and discussion until you are in private, it gives you a nice cooling off time and perspective. May times, we find that we don't remember what we were mad at in the first place.

3. It's okay to go to bed angry - but not inconsolable. Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing. And sometimes you need some sleep to give you a nice cool down (see number 2). As long as you know that you still love each other and can end the evening on good terms by agreeing to disagree, it's okay to fall asleep angry. Sometimes you're just tired and no amount of staying up late to get to the bottom of things is going to change your sour mood. I find that Phillip isn't the best communicator when he is upset and just wants to be left alone. If I were to keep him up for hours trying to force nonexistent conversation out of him, it would just make the situation worse.

4. Love, comfort, communication, and moods come in waves. We have bad days. We have bad weeks. Sometimes things just feel "off." It doesn't mean it's the end of our relationship or we've run out of things to talk about or that we are doomed to fail at marriage. It just means we have a bit of a lull that will make us appreciate the good times when they come back.

5. Put up or shut up. When we said forever on our wedding day, we meant forever. There is no exit strategy. We are both in it for the long run. Therefore, when things get complicated, we either fix it or accept it and move on. Much like number one, there are bigger things in life to worry about. No passive aggressive post-it note or overly loud grumble is going to change him/me. So we accept the things we can change about each other and also the things the other doesn't want to change.

I love him. He loves me. We make it work. We are not perfect but I like to think we've already stood a big test of time and have accomplished great things together. We are a team first and foremost. Best friends. Loving spouses. Wonderful parents. Trying to make it work one load of dishes at a time.

Cabin Weekend

It's time for us to get away. I mean, really get away.

That means it's time to head to the cabin.

Elayne will be with my parents and Phillip's throughout the weekend while we trek to east Texas with a few friends for quiet, rest, and lots of nothingness. No chores. No laundry. No obligations. No to-dos. A lot of nothingness.

Really looking forward to it.

The Cough That Still Won't Stop

The coughing saga continues, y'all.

Elayne is still coughing. And we still are having to go through doctors and tests to see what is causing the cough. Tests are coming back "normal" for someone with chronic cough and congestion. Meaning, the doctors keep seeing the inflammation and redness on her x-rays and procedures, and observe the congestion repeatdely. However, no cause is to be found.

A lot of what we're doing is trial and error. We've ruled out almost all of the major worrisome causes of cough and congestion. Now our goal is to treat the symptoms and observe as she gets older, hoping she'll eventually grow out of it.

Laryngoscope - signs of redness, swelling, and congestion but no abnormalities.
Swallow Study - slight aspiration in fast-flow nipples, which is typical of  babies.
Allergy Testing - negative for allergens.
Formula Changes - no improvements observed.
Inhaler - no improvements observed.
Acid Reflux Medication - no improvements observed.
Two Allergy Nasal Sprays - no improvements observed.
Chest X-ray - signs of inflammation characteristic of a chronic cough.

No we are on to breathing treatments, an Upper GI scan to see more areas other tests couldn't, and a Cystic Fibrosis screen that will almost certainly come out negative (just performing it for definite results).

Winning or Losing?

It's taken me a bit to write this post. I don't really know where to begin.

Last week my beloved grandmother passed away due to complications associated with lung cancer.

Someone put the cause as "losing the battle with cancer." A battle in which someone wins and someone loses? Huh. Not sure how I feel about that one.

I'm not sure there is ever a winner with cancer. And I'm not sure someone who can finally escape the pain of this world and live with their creator in heaven is considered a loser. Linda didn't win. And she certainly didn't lose. She's just gone.

She's gone and we're left here to remember her until we see her again. Holding on to the memories... that's the tough part. Remembering the smells and feelings but struggling to remember every detail of her face. The pain in never being able to remember everything but never being able to forget other things.

Loss.