Home Renovation

We have been in our house just under 4 months now and we have made so many changes! Our main changes starting out were: paint, flooring, and appliances. All downstairs. The upstairs was in pretty good shape so some paint was all it needed.

Here are just a few of my favorites!

LAUNDRY ROOM BEFORE 

LAUNDRY ROOM AFTER

FRONT DOOR BEFORE

 FRONT DOOR AFTER

KITCHEN/DINING BEFORE

KITCHEN/DINING AFTER

LIVING ROOM BEFORE

LIVING ROOM AFTER

PHILLIP'S ROOM BEFORE

PHILLIP'S ROOM AFTER

What do you think!?

Happy Anniversary to You!

What's that you say? It isn't your anniversary, but Phillip and I's wedding anniversary? Well you are sort of right....
We have, in fact, as of today, been married for 4 wonderful years. But we celebrate our marriage every day. Today is about celebrating those who have supported our marriage for 4 years now - so happy anniversary to you!

Cheers!

• To our family for giving us the most solid foundation possible.
• To our long-time friends for celebrating our independence before marriage while appreciating our new family unit.
• To our newer friends for never imagining us apart because, to you, we never have been.
• To our beautiful baby girl for giving mommy and daddy lots of kisses to show we are modeling affection for you.
• To our biggest fans for seeing our victories as your own.
• To our acquaintances for reminding us that our love story is an impressive one.

Master Ashley

It's official. My diploma came in the mail yesterday. I have a Master's Degree in Health Studies from Texas Woman's University.

What a great feeling to have another thing crossed off my list. I worked hard for this degree and will display it with pride once it's framed.

Now on to my doctorate this fall...

"and I don't know how it gets better than this..."

I hear people saying all the time that love gets stronger with time and experiences. And I absolutely agree with that idea. I definitely love Phillip in a different way than I did when I was in high school. But what does that mean? What does that look like?

I have to pay homage to Taylor Swift for making these love songs that inadvertently make you think about things. They are playful little songs about how this guy's hair makes her love him or how talking on the phone late at night is a way to her heart. And they are catchy songs.

But then I combine her little songs with thoughts of a mature love and I wonder how I can connect to those little moments. Do I no longer get as much out of those small phone calls or how he fixes his hair? Does that mean my love for him is changing?

The answer to that question is a resounding no. Absolutely not. I do not love him any less or any differently. Just the things that make me stand back and think "man I love him" are not the same things that 16 year old Ashley (and Taylor Swift) would find meaning in.


His laughter doesn't make my heart stop as often as it once did. What makes my heart stop now is Elayne's laughter when he is playing with her.

His hair doesn't make my heart stop as often as it once did. What makes my heart stop now is how adorable it is when he can't figure out how to fix Elayne's hair and calls me for help.

His gifts he gives me on special holidays doesn't make my heart stop as often as it once did. What makes my heart stop now is when he gives me the gift of clean dishes put away or picks up the toys for me after a long day at work.

His physical appearance doesn't make my heart stop as often as it once did. What makes my heart stop now is how my physical appearance post-baby and post-college doesn't mean as much to him as it once did.

His saying "I love you" doesn't make my heart stop as often as it once did. What makes my heart stop now is when he gets Elayne to tell me she loves me.

Planning our future doesn't make my heart stop as often as it once did. What makes my heart stop now is realizing we are living our "future" now and realizing we get to have a future together.

 

What wonderful ways to explain how my love for him has changed. And it does get better than this.

Our House is a Very Very Very Fine House

Today we finish packing up our old house. Yes, it's taken us this long. It was a huge house, ok?

Saying goodbye to a house that was "ours" for two years is rough. That's the longest I've lived in a place since moving out of my parents'. Yeah. Sad truth. But I'm serious.

That house witnessed so much. Our baby coming home. The sounds of a phone call putting in my two weeks - and the sounds of a phone interview that has jumpstarted my career in Student Affairs. A soulmate for Heather found in the living room. Tears over deaths in the family. Elayne's first steps by the fireplace. Emmitt coming home. Murphy and Holland saying goodbye. A fire scare. Overnight guests. Sports games. The joy of a new washer and dryer. And so so so so so much more.

As I look around the house today, I'll be flooded with memories and nostalgia. Some of it will be good and some of it will be painful. But it's time to close a chapter fully so our new one that has begun can officially start turning pages faster. Houses are meant to be homes, and the one we are leaving definitely fit the bill.

I am so excited to see what our new house has to bring. More kids? More heartache? More pets? More milestones? I know that this adventure will be even better than the last.

Bring on the nostalgia. But bring on the hope for a future.

Different Strokes

A really good friend of mine's mom had not one, but two strokes a couple of weeks ago. It all happened right at the time Ronnie past away so I wasn't able to fully process it.

She spent about two weeks in the ICU before finally being transferred to the stroke floor at the hospital for a long journey of physical, occupational, and speech therapies to get herself as close to normal as she can get once again. I had the wonderful opportunity to visit her earlier this week and I'm so glad I did.

I must say that this has hit me a bit harder than it probably should. I think I'm beginning to realize just how old I am getting. This is the first of many incidents where my generation of friends will have to rise up to the needs of our parents as they age. The harsh reality is that we are getting older and that means those around us are too.

As we all grow up, we think our parents and grandparents are so old. We think life is guaranteed until we get to be that age. And we think we are immune from the hardships that come with aging. And then one fateful day, like the one I had a couple of weeks ago, we realize this is not the case. We are the age our parents were when they started out their "young" adult lives. Our parents are now getting to the age of our grandparents when we thought they were so old (and wise). Life is changing as we know it.

A new journey of caring for those we love is starting. But it's not a sad journey, just a little bit of a scary one. I'm not sure what comes next but I do know that I'm not ready to lose any more loved ones for a very long time. I'm not ready to mourn those who are living, but do realize that life is not a guarantee... and easy aging is not a guarantee either.

I am ready to navigate the resources available to my parents and grandparents so I can be ready to help my friends out as their parents and grandparents need services. I am ready to see what joy aging brings my parents as they get to slow down to experience every drop of family and friends. I am ready to see how beautiful my mom looks with gray hair and how much my dad still swoons over her.

I am ready to live my life like I am aging into wisdom and stability. I am ready to love life like I am a non-perishable item.

A Weekend with Tabitha

This weekend Tabitha came to stay with us. It was a much needed break from all of the moving and unpacking and craziness that has been going on in the past weeks. We did a lot of sitting and playing with Elayne and, of course, talking.

I always love catching up with her and this visit couldn't have come at a better time. Although having an oven/stove (that will be purchased this week! Eek!) would have been nice.

More unpacking is on the radar for us this week. Graduation week is always a doozie at work and this one won't be any different. I meet with my UNT advisor Tuesday, Wednesday Phillip is going to a concert, Thursday night I will be helping with the graduation awards luncheon and then helping with check-in for the graduation banquet, and Saturday is both colleges' graduation ceremonies.

Busy busy week.

Then a massage and pedicure Sunday.

Is This Thing On?

Well hello there.

It's been a little really long while since I last updated - just under 8 months.

I've sat down to write this catch-up post for quite some time now. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to say it. I wasn't even sure if anyone was still listening. But this weekend something changed that. My grandfather died. He was married to Linda, who passed away almost a year ago. They were probably my only readers. Ever. They followed this blog religiously. And now they're both gone. My two best readers are gone and I'm left truly sending these posts out into the abyss and wondering, "Is this thing on?"

Huge changes have happened since we last chatted. I can't and won't attempt to write some huge lengthy post detailing them all. But here's a run down. Maybe (...hopefully...) I will expand on them some day.

1. I have a toddler. Elayne is a running, independent, moody, and absolutely fun toddler. We chase her everywhere. She talks as much as she thinks. We are about to start potty training.

2. We bought a house. Yes. Our lifelong dream of owning a home has come true after three years of getting everything in order. We just moved in this past weekend after a couple of weeks of renovations. Unpacking is a pain but I'm thankful it'll be the last time for many years, if not forever.

3. I am going to be a doctor. Not that kind of doctor. I have been accepting to the Doctorate of Education in Higher Education program at the University of North Texas and I start this fall!

4. To follow up with that, I receive my Masters in a month! It's been a hard journey, especially last semester and this one (read: I haven't posted in 8 months). But I've excelled and have learned so much. Excited to cross that stage and walk into a career in lifelong learning.

5. I lost Ronnie. Like I mentioned, my grandfather passed away last weekend. It was rough and rough timing. I've gone from four grandparents to two in less than a year. My mom has lost her brother, her mother, and her father in a two year span. It's been hard. But we'll make it through.

6. We no longer have Murphy. It was a very difficult decision and one we considered for months. Lots of talking. Lots of crying. Lots of being grown up in deciding to take him to the Humane Society. It was even more difficult when we were told he wouldn't go out on the "floor" for adoption since he had an aggressive history. Nope. Our dog who was two days older than our marriage would go straight into the euthanasia line. It was so hard. We had so much time and emotion and money invested into keeping him around. But at the end of the day, we had to do what was best for Elayne and our family and friends. And as much as it has pained us to give him up, our lives have been so much simpler and less anxiety-filled.

7. Work is still great. I still work at Parker. I got a new boss. And I am loving where things are headed.

There. A snippet into my life the past 8 months. Let's get back on this journey together.




Keep reading from heaven, Linda and Ronnie, and I'll keep writing.

ONE

My baby is turning one. ONE. I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday I was finding out about her and now she's been in our lives for a year. She's been changing our lives for a year. Loving us. Needing us. For a year.

This time last year we were getting ready for her. Everything was clean and put away. We had a plan in place and were ready to move at a moment's notice. My feet were being propped up, I was lacking sleep, and anxiety was building. And then she came. Little, happy, and perfect.

I love that little girl. So much. She surprises me with all she knows and how much she already loves. She plays and snuggles equally. She's super sweet and easy going and also so independent and strong-willed. The perfect mixture of Phillip and me. I couldn't ask for better.

And now, as we plan her first birthday party, we're thankful for her even more. Our lives have never been so busy. So exhausting. So full. I wouldn't trade it.

Get ready for the cutest circus-themed birthday party you've ever seen. :)

Cystic Fibrosis

What a whirlwind of a month. Sorry for not posting.

Cystic Fibrosis.

A phrase that never meant anything to us - until now.

With all of the battery of tests Elayne has undergone for her chronic cough, this was an easy one to eliminate. She passed her newborn screening for it, after all. And my tests during pregnancy all came back normal too.

But then her results came back elevated. Not positive or negative. Just elevated.

So for that past month, we have monitored weight and coughs and surfed the internet for answers. Until this week when we finally had a follow up appointment with her pulmonologist (after what felt like months). His diagnosis? Negative for Cystic Fibrosis. His reasoning? His patients who have Cystic Fibrosis have results off-the-charts and hers were simply elevated.

But.

BUT!?

Because her levels weren't off-the-charts low, the pulmonologist thinks a combination of the three of us are carriers for Cystic Fibrosis. While not devastating, this news has the potential to affect our future plans and possibly Elayne's future plans too.

In the meantime, she officially has asthma/reactive airway disease, allergies, and acid reflux-induced congestion. She is on breathing treatments for the foreseeable future and will hopefully outgrow all of it in the future. Will keep you posted!

School Update

I feel like I haven't updated you readers about school in a very long time. Therefore, I think it's time for an update!

Yes I am still in school and still going strong. I am more-than succeeding and love my program. All these courses make me fired up about health and teaching soon. This semester I am taking "Psychosocial Aspects of Health Care" and "Strategies of Health Education Delivery." What a great line up!

I will graduate with my MS in Health Studies in May 2015 - so close!!!! This fall will be my hardest semester yet, but I am definitely looking forward to it. I will learn a lot. This fall I have to complete a 90 hour practicum (aka internship) with an approved facility. It'll be great to get all of that experience, but with a full family calendar and still working 40 hours, it will be quite the challenge. My other course is through the school of education. It's hybrid - meaning most of it is online, but I will have to attend night classes 7 days during the semester. As if I need more things to keep me from home and fill up my calendar. It'll be an exciting course to give me an even deeper understanding of education.

It will be busy, but luckily Phillip and my family/friends are willing and able to help out when we need them - and we will. It'll be a rough couple of months but worth it when I walk across that stage and can be called "Master Ashley".

And what's after that? After graduation? Well naturally, a PhD!!! Parker has some goals that include a PhD program in Educational Leadership. If that pans out, I am diving in for a great price (free)! Anxious about that already. But I am built for education. For higher education. For advanced education.

Look at me go!

Some Day

Some day I will get caught up on the laundry.
Some day I will not hit the snooze button and wake up at the time I need to.
Some day I will get to come home and just relax.
Some day I will organize the pantry. And garage. And the kitchen cabinets. And my life.
Some day I will redecorate the guest bedroom and finally hang things on the walls.
Some day I will update more frequently on this blog to keep you informed.
Some day I will sit down to write notes to friends/family just because.
Some day I will take the day/night "off" to go do something just for me.

Day in the Life

Some days I marvel at how chaotic life gets

Leave work fifteen minutes later than planned.
Hit traffic driving to JCPenny to get Elayne.
During traffic, I jam to entirely too many classic rock tunes - is this a sign of my age? Am I getting old? The new stuff just bores me.
Turn up the A/C since it's so hot.
Sit in more traffic. Pull up to the slow area only to find there is no reason for said slow traffic.
Turn A/C down because now it's freezing.
Contemplate taking the toll road to get home faster or use the free feeder road with stop lights I can shoot quick texts at.
Take free feeder road.
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.
Get to Elayne's child care center pretty much 45 minutes after I leave work. Why does it take this long? Oh yeah. Stoplights. Maybe I'll consider the toll road next time. Wait no. That's so expensive.
Finally pull into the parking garage. Hunt for a "child care" designated spot. Why are the JCPenny employees so lazy? They drive from their assigned spots to these spots just so they don't have to walk that far. But come to think of it, I'd probably do the same thing. So nevermind.
Found a spot. Parked.
Leave the purse in the car or bring it in? Such a struggle. There is a security officer at the crosswalk. He'd hear if someone broke into my car for my purse. And I'm not too far from him. But he doesn't look like he'd be quick enough to chase him. And then who would hold the stop sign up so parents and employees and children can cross safely? And does he even have a gun? This is probably what would go through his head and he heard the window smashing.
Take purse inside.
Swipe card to get into child care center. But nothing happens. Oh yeah there is a trick. I remember. You can stand in these four floor tiles, but if you step even a toe in those six, the door won't open. Got it. Excuse me while I practice my yoga moves.
I'm in!
Gotta log her out of the computer.
Phillip got here at 7:47 today!? Must have been running late.
Time for the stroller closet. The dreaded closet. Parents with these monster strollers come in like they own the place. Meanwhile our sensible travel stroller is folded up neatly along the wall. Buried behind tanker strollers made for families of six when they only have one baby. Who can walk. And doesn't need a stroller anymore. But mama holds on to it still.
Pull up to Elayne's room. I swear that's her scream I hear from the hall. Oh man I hope that's not her. Don't pawn off a screaming child on me. I pay you guys too much money for that.
Phew. It's not Elayne. It's Sara. Always Sara. Stranger Danger Sara. With the beauitful eyes.
We need diapers again!? We just gave you a huge pack last week. You guys seriously need to think about changing her less.
Where did she get that pacifier from? Yeah, that one in her mouth. Nope. That's not hers. Oh well. It does the job and is one less we have to buy. YOLO.
What is she wearing? Oh. Yeah. Phillip dressed her. Stripes and polka dots? Hot pink, bright blue, and red? Don't care enough to change her.
Now she's screaming. You let her sleep through her last feeding and she hasn't eaten anything since 2:30!? Sweet. But can't complain since sometimes we drop her off in the same mood.
In the car seat. Got it all? Yes baby. Have a bottle.
Finally back to the car. Was that walk that long on the way in? I feel like this has been a marathon walking back.
Time to drive. Wait. No. Gotta stop for crossing children.
Now leaving.
Hitting the stop lights again to avoid tolls.
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.
Finally pull into the garage two hours after work ends.
Time to relax.

Wait. No....

Things I've Learned in 3 Years of Marriage

It's hard to believe we have been married for three years now. THREE. Crazy how time flies.

In my tons of years of experience (sarcasm) I have learned a few things about marriage and relationships. Here are just a few of my infinite words of wisdom...

1. There is almost always a bigger fish to fry. No matter how angry I get or frustrated I am, I need to pick my battles. Sometimes the dirty socks that never make it to the laundry basket aren't as important as I thought. It's about balance and deciding when you should say something and when you should let it go.

2. Try not to fight in front of people. This has always been a relationship rule of mine, and now that we have Elayne it is even more important. No one likes dirty laundry aired out and frankly, it's no ones business. The more opinions you have on a situation, the more blame can be compounded. Plus, one of the biggest things Phillip have working in our favor is 100% support from our family and friends. That support would be diminished by tiny arguments inundating those closest to us 24/7. Plus, when you are forced to "table" arguements and discussion until you are in private, it gives you a nice cooling off time and perspective. May times, we find that we don't remember what we were mad at in the first place.

3. It's okay to go to bed angry - but not inconsolable. Anger isn't necessarily a bad thing. And sometimes you need some sleep to give you a nice cool down (see number 2). As long as you know that you still love each other and can end the evening on good terms by agreeing to disagree, it's okay to fall asleep angry. Sometimes you're just tired and no amount of staying up late to get to the bottom of things is going to change your sour mood. I find that Phillip isn't the best communicator when he is upset and just wants to be left alone. If I were to keep him up for hours trying to force nonexistent conversation out of him, it would just make the situation worse.

4. Love, comfort, communication, and moods come in waves. We have bad days. We have bad weeks. Sometimes things just feel "off." It doesn't mean it's the end of our relationship or we've run out of things to talk about or that we are doomed to fail at marriage. It just means we have a bit of a lull that will make us appreciate the good times when they come back.

5. Put up or shut up. When we said forever on our wedding day, we meant forever. There is no exit strategy. We are both in it for the long run. Therefore, when things get complicated, we either fix it or accept it and move on. Much like number one, there are bigger things in life to worry about. No passive aggressive post-it note or overly loud grumble is going to change him/me. So we accept the things we can change about each other and also the things the other doesn't want to change.

I love him. He loves me. We make it work. We are not perfect but I like to think we've already stood a big test of time and have accomplished great things together. We are a team first and foremost. Best friends. Loving spouses. Wonderful parents. Trying to make it work one load of dishes at a time.

Cabin Weekend

It's time for us to get away. I mean, really get away.

That means it's time to head to the cabin.

Elayne will be with my parents and Phillip's throughout the weekend while we trek to east Texas with a few friends for quiet, rest, and lots of nothingness. No chores. No laundry. No obligations. No to-dos. A lot of nothingness.

Really looking forward to it.

The Cough That Still Won't Stop

The coughing saga continues, y'all.

Elayne is still coughing. And we still are having to go through doctors and tests to see what is causing the cough. Tests are coming back "normal" for someone with chronic cough and congestion. Meaning, the doctors keep seeing the inflammation and redness on her x-rays and procedures, and observe the congestion repeatdely. However, no cause is to be found.

A lot of what we're doing is trial and error. We've ruled out almost all of the major worrisome causes of cough and congestion. Now our goal is to treat the symptoms and observe as she gets older, hoping she'll eventually grow out of it.

Laryngoscope - signs of redness, swelling, and congestion but no abnormalities.
Swallow Study - slight aspiration in fast-flow nipples, which is typical of  babies.
Allergy Testing - negative for allergens.
Formula Changes - no improvements observed.
Inhaler - no improvements observed.
Acid Reflux Medication - no improvements observed.
Two Allergy Nasal Sprays - no improvements observed.
Chest X-ray - signs of inflammation characteristic of a chronic cough.

No we are on to breathing treatments, an Upper GI scan to see more areas other tests couldn't, and a Cystic Fibrosis screen that will almost certainly come out negative (just performing it for definite results).

Winning or Losing?

It's taken me a bit to write this post. I don't really know where to begin.

Last week my beloved grandmother passed away due to complications associated with lung cancer.

Someone put the cause as "losing the battle with cancer." A battle in which someone wins and someone loses? Huh. Not sure how I feel about that one.

I'm not sure there is ever a winner with cancer. And I'm not sure someone who can finally escape the pain of this world and live with their creator in heaven is considered a loser. Linda didn't win. And she certainly didn't lose. She's just gone.

She's gone and we're left here to remember her until we see her again. Holding on to the memories... that's the tough part. Remembering the smells and feelings but struggling to remember every detail of her face. The pain in never being able to remember everything but never being able to forget other things.

Loss.

Bluebonnet Baby

So as most of you know, Texas is known for its April showing of bluebonnets. I mean they are GORGEOUS!

A couple weekends ago, we set out on an adventure to Ennis, Texas - the bluebonnet capital of the world. It was their annual Bluebonnet Trail and Festival. We got some adorable photos of the family and our sweet baby girl.

Thought I'd share. :)

Emmitt!

As if you thought we'd last long without another pet...



Here is Emmitt.

A beautiful (now 9.5 week old) black lab mix. Likely mixed with a Black Mouth Cur. He is adorable and so lazy - a great change from hyperactive Murphy. We adopted him from the Dallas Animal Shelter's setup at a local Petsmart. We took Elayne and set her down on the floor with all five from the litter and reduced the amount puppy-by-puppy until we decided on Emmitt. Yes his name is short for Emmitt Smith - we name our animals after professional athletes in our house (David Murphy, Derek Holland, Emmitt Smith, etc.

Elayne loves dogs. Like loooooooves them. It's crazy how excited and happy she gets around them. She makes a sound we've never made her make before. It's adorable. Which is why we decided to get us her a puppy. Yay for new family additions!

He loves Elayne. So patient with her and she loves grabbing his face, fur, and tail. They are truly a match and I can't wait to see them grow together and form that wonderful bond.

Easter/Shopping/5K

Alright, so a quick recap post since I haven't posted in what seems like forever...


1. Easter
This year was on of my absolute favorite Easters of all time. It was so wonderful! Breakfast was pancakes with my little family. Then a nap with Elayne. First lunch was with my parents - complete with dying eggs and an egg "hunt" for Elayne's first Easter! Next was dinner at the Longs' on the porch as the rain came down. So relaxing. So wonderful. So much love.

2. Shopping
Last week I also received my referral bonus from work! Heather has been a great addition to Parker and has made it more than 90 days. Hooray! To celebrate, we took my bonus and spent the whole thing on work clothes. It was wonderful. Lots of really good deals and twin time. It was nice spending our day off (Good Friday) together and splurging on ourselves with no guilt.


3. 5K
Yes readers, you read right. I did a 5K. This wasn't a straight running 5K, but the Hit and Run 5K. Picture the show Wipe Out. Five obstacles to complete. I fell on my face quite a few times, ended up with some bruises and walked some of the way. But I did it! I finished it! A bucket list item crossed off.

So what have you done recently?